Dear Madrid Fans,
When You boo me at home, it makes me sad. I work so hard for the team, not like that Gareth guy who never passes the ball. You should boo him more. I’m way better looking than that guy. Anyway, I’ve decided to return to Manchester United this summer. I will no longer speak to the media for the rest of the season, because I have made up my mind and my decision is final. Here are the 5 reasons why I will be returning to Manchester United this summer.
1) Did I mention that the Gareth guy never passes the ball? It drives me mad. I should be the highest paid player in the world, and he should stop shooting all the time!
2) My girlfriend left me for The Rock, so I’ve decided to take this show on the road. Have you SEEN some of the women in Manchester? Nothing compared to Madrid.
3) Now that I’m single, I need a new wing man. I hear the new Manchester United manager has quite a way with the ladies.
4) Manchester United have offered me a contract which will pay me £600,000 per week.
Well, not yet. But they will. If they are paying Falcao £346,000 per week for only 4 goals so far this season, according to my super agent. They will definitely give me more than that.
5) I miss the weather in England. It’s always sunny and beautiful here in Madrid, and I’ve become too tan. Plus, I’ll never win another Ballon d’Or here in Spain with Messi scoring hat tricks every week.
I have enjoyed my time here in Madrid, but I must return to where it all started. Farewll, Madridistas. I will see you in the Champions League next season.